I seem to have left my pride at pride
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
