Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
