Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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