do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
