That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
