today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
