U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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