He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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