There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
