there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
