6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
