Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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