Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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