Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
