well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
