you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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