i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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