thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
