Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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