God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
