I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
