I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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