I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
