He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
