I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
