i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
