there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
