i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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