drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
