Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
