so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
