there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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