I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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