im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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