i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small penises have feelings too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
