We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
