im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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