I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
