Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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