im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
