I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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