I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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