dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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