Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
