I got chris browned last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
