Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
