ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
