i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
