I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
