i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
