So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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